BoomerChicks

Cover Letter or Cover Up?

I am a little anxious.  I am trying to finish up a cover letter for a job that I really, really want.  It's a government job, but it has purpose.  I hate cover letters though.  I can do anything (well almost anything) except market myself.  How do you effectively write a cover letter that explains your KSA's as it relates to the position?  I'd be great in this position...can't I just say that? 

You know back in the day, you got a phone call and an interview.  You sat down and talked to a potential employer.  Employers actually got to know a little bit about you.  You had a conversation.  Now, your resume is thrown into a stack with thousands of others, and as the experts put it, that HR person is looking for that one person who stands out!  Hence, the almighty cover letter with flair.  And, for the love of God, how do you keep flair down to two paragraphs? 

When I was the one doing the hiring, I read every cover letter and every resume.  Sure sometimes something jumped out at me, but I knew that these letters and resumes were mostly glorified templates from some damn book for dummies or Resumes 101.  Yeah, I know.  Now there is a whole industry offering experts who will write the perfect cover letter and resume for you.  Someone who knows nothing about you will sit down for $600. and produce the sacred, "this will get you interviews" resume.  I looked into these companies and after me, yes me, spending all the time filling out their 700 page questionnaire and creating the job description, the expert suggested a few buzz words. 

I always found what I was looking for through conversation.  And, that conversation meant not asking those "where do you see yourself in five years" questions.  Good grief, if I wanted to know that, I'd conjure up Nostradamus.  Conversation tells you if someone is motivated, ambitious, and passionate.  I just can't write passion as well as I can speak it. 

Back to the drawing board.

Serving up Some Management Mentality

More Greed

This is absurd on so many levels! Again, I ask...who are we bailing out?

All Hail to the CEO

The slowed economy has become a great opportunity for companies who lack leadership to dump employees. 

Do you have an employee who is forward thinking, wants to work out of the box, bring you customer feedback on why or why not they will or will not do business with you?  Now is a great time to let that pesky person go.  At least you don't have to listen to these folks anymore who are explaining why your company is failing.  Finally, you can continue to under perform and implement your same old status quo ideas without anyone bucking the system.

Keep the employees who need a day off when their dogs fart, who are experts at on-the-clock solitaire and continue to crunch faux numbers until the boss is happy.  Yep, those are the productive ones, your peeps who are blazing trails to get you customers for your over priced, service retarded products.  You know, the poor me crybabies who whine about how difficult their jobs are while the boss interprets this as devotion!

And ladies beware...you are target number one.  You know the old philosophy will apply that you all have husbands who can take care of you.  Unless of course you are one of those subservient women who carries water, can make a mean cup of coffee or worse better yet, you have slept with the boss.  (In this case, screw your husband -- the boss needs you!).  You are probably safe.  Breathe a sigh of relief, life goes on, pick your paycheck up every week.  You have learned to work the system.  Bravo!

God forbid you should want to have anyone in your organization with a brain or an ounce of enthusiasm, pink slips ASAP, don't let that door hit you in the ass.  Your job will be much easier now in that you don't have to make excuses for your inability to motivate these strange creatures.  You can work in relative peace and "play office" everyday with no debate, no thought provoking questions, just a dose of WWWAAAAHHHHHHHHHH from your followers employees who have their noses up your ass. 

While you are making these ever-so-tough decisions be sure to get the publicity machine rolling on how the organizations' top guns are making sacrifices.   Just look at Ford CEO, Alan Mulally who promises to take a $1/yr salary if Congress gives his company 9 billion dollars!  That poor felllow.  I am touched.  Do you think he will struggle with his bills, use coupons to buy groceries, forego medical care or need a $600 stimulus check?!?!  My heart just bleeds for him that the corporate jet is now up for sale, pure devastation, the ultimate sacrifice.  These big shot sacrifices are good for Ford's stocks though, they're up based on this publicity "positive" news. 

Yep, the "bad" economy is a good excuse to can the dead weight.  It takes the focus off of the greedy, lazy head honchos and places it on the employees.  These bastards hold the fate of millions in their hands, comforting huh?  In good times the employees are the "company's greatest asset."  In bad times, they are the problem, and they always let the smart ones go first, the ones who warned them things were not as they should be.  But, we gotta keep these "successful" track record proven gurus -- managers, CEOs, and business owners -- solvent.  After all America depends on them!

Unemployment Sucks

Being unemployed truly does suck.  That's not a very sophisticated way of putting it, but it is honest.

If you are in the job market, you know how frustrating it is to send out resumes knowing that you are at least worthy of an interview but you don't get a response.  I don't have a huge ego (may be that is my problem) but come on, neither do I feel that I am not totally unworthy of someone's time to evaluate whether I have the "right stuff". 

This morning, I found this job description in my inbox.

 

Well I am certainly not qualified for this position, but it was nice of them to think of me.

My biggest barrier in this market has been the length of time I spent with my previous employer -- just over twelve years in their marketing department.  Little did I know that would be such a problem.  Back in the day, longevity with one employer was an asset, but today, most companies feel that you are not a "mover and shaker" if you invest too many years at one job.   (I note that even the border security advisor position above is only a one year tenure.  Surely though that has something to do with the location!  Yes, I am being sarcastic!).

The ironic thing about staying with one employer is that you have to fight tooth and nail to convince them to change their stale, status quo way of doing things to a more innovative, "mover and shaker" way of thinking.  For a marketeer, the "continuing to do the same things but expecting a different result" approach is frustrating as hell, unless of course, you are in a "if it's not broke, why fix it" mindset.  (In my experience though, most managers have no idea when they are in the "broken mode").  Regardless, as a marketeer, you have to stay in touch with new ideas, and you must be flexible to allow your product to prosper and improve.  It may not be broken, but it certainly can get stale, and you need to add new life to it to continue to attract new customers.  So, in reality you should always have a "mover and a shaker" mentality and always challenge complacency, and perhaps even more so when you do have longevity.

That leads me to another complaint about job hunting, especially in the field of marketing.  Employers want such specialization in their industries.  It appears that there are lots of marketing jobs, but there is always that fine print in the requirements section -- must have at least five years experience in electronics or must have at least 10 years in cosmetics, and so forth.  I have seen many folks with years in any particular industry, but they can't sell it.  You need to know the marketing formula, the strategy behind it and apply it to the product. 

I know, I know, everyone claims that their industry is "a different animal", that you can only be successful if you have years of knowledge within that industry.  My thought on that is if you can't explain your product, your industry to a potential employee who understands the marketing concept, someone who is eager and enthusiastic to learn your product and sell it, you probably aren't in the "mover and shaker" column anyway.

Somewhere out there is a job for me, hopefully something closer to home than Iraq!  I continue early each morning to head to my computer with my cup of coffee and perform my daily search.  I take notes, send out resumes, follow-up emails and make a list of potential companies and headhunters to call.  I remain optimistic.